Relationship Advice by Nancy Pina

Relationship Advice: Walking by Faith

2005-08-11T18:28:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Relationship Advice by Nancy Pina

IN TODAY'S RELATIONSHIP ADVICE ISSUE:

Guest Article: Walking by Faith By Dr. Charles Stanley

Today’s Relationship Advice by Nancy

"The greatest good you can do for another is not just share
your riches, but reveal to them their own."
* Benjamin Disraeli, 1804-1881, British Statesman and Prime Minister

"In life you can never be too kind or too fair; everyone you
meet is carrying a heavy load. When you go through your
day expressing kindness and courtesy to all you meet,
you leave behind a feeling of warmth and good cheer, and
you help alleviate the burdens everyone is struggling with."
*Brian Tracy, American Trainer/Speaker/Author

Walking by Faith
By Dr. Charles Stanley

The Scriptures frequently speak about the "Christian walk" as a description of believers' behavior. For example, we are told to walk as children of light, walk in the truth, walk according to the Spirit, and walk in love. Colossians 2:6 uses this expression to give us an important command: "Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him." The question we must ask is, What does it mean to "walk in Christ"?

Here, the word in does not have a literal usage, like "the hammer is in the toolbox." Rather, it refers to a vital relationship—a union between the believer and the Lord. Just as a wedding marks the beginning of a new relationship for a man and a woman, receiving Christ as Savior commences an intimate fellowship between the Lord and His follower. What God desires is not simply to forgive sins, but to develop a close and ever-deepening personal relationship with each of His children. He wants us to realize that the Son of God is the source of everything—Jesus Christ is to the believer what blood is to the human body: indispensable to life.

Therefore, "walking in Christ" refers to a dynamic relationship with the Lord. Just as it is impossible to walk while standing still, believers are either moving forward in their Christian life or falling backward. The key for how to make progress is found in that same Colossians verse: "As you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him." How did you and I receive Christ? By faith. In order to be born again, we trusted the testimony of the Word of God. The Christian life is to be "walked"—or lived out—in the same way.

Most people are guided by their natural senses, but that is not effective because from our human viewpoint, we are unable to see the big picture. Instead, our heavenly Father wants us to trust Him daily for whatever need we may have. That is why followers of Jesus Christ are to "walk by faith, not by sight" (2 Corinthians 5:7). We must take the first step by faith, and then another, not knowing exactly where it will lead us, but trusting that our omniscient, loving God has our best interest in mind. To walk in faith means having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ that results in trusting Him for every circumstance of life. When we consistently live with that kind of confidence in the Lord, we will believe He will do what what is right and what is for our benefit every time, without exception.

Dr. Charles Stanley is Pastor of InTouchMinistries

Relationship Advice by Nancy Pina

Dear Nancy,

I was involved in a relationship which I thought had become solid having put in two and a half years of regular communication. I felt he and I were made for each other until suddenly he withdrew giving reasons which are strange. On knowing those reasons such as horoscope mismatch and family disagreement I couldn't help reacting. To these, he would remain quiet and silently listen.

Thereafter onwards we've little communication with each other. I still feel like connecting with him although he doesn't express his proactive interest any more. I however feel that I may be putting him off because I tend to become reactive when talking to him and so he doesn't come back to me although he may still be somewhat interested to continue as a friend. To any direct communication he doesn't give direct answers. Moreover he always blames me for my reactions as a reason for his remaining distant from me.

My concerns are:
Should I wait for his initiations or take initiative myself?
Should I welcome his initiation if and whenever it happens? If so to what extent?
Should I forget it all? (although it is difficult to do so.)

At times I also feel like saying the unpleasant things about him. do I do that?

Thanks,

Anjana

Dear Anjana,

I understand how difficult this must be for you, but I encourage you to not initiate any more communication for this man.

His reasons for ending your relationship are indeed strange, especially after such a long time. No matter what his reasons were for this sudden lack of interest, it is now up to you to make a move forward and not live in the past.

There is a special person for you Anjalee who will be excited about being with you and interested in everything about you.

I encourage you to let go of the past and allow God to bring a man into your life who is worthy of your love, time and devotion.

Please write to me at Ask Nancy to see your advice here.

Confidential replies can be obtained through
your purchase of ‘The Right Relationship Can Happen’

To purchase, visit Amazon.com:Amazon.com

Simply forward your receipt to
Nancy Pina
along with your relationship question.

I will reply to you within 24 hours or less.

Remember that with God on your side, who
dare be against you?

I pray that He shine
His light upon you and bless you with
peace, joy and happiness.

May God bless your life and may you
experience abundant love!

Nancy Pina
Relationship Expert & Author
The Right Relationship Can Happen
Relationship Advice by Nancy Pina

Relationship Advice: Society's Misconception of Soul Mates, Part 1

2005-08-11T18:19:00.000-07:00

Relationship Advice Article: Society's Misconception of Soul Mates

Welcome to Relationship Advice by Nancy Pina

IN TODAY'S RELATIONSHIP ADVICE ISSUE:

Guest Article: Society's Misconception of Soul Mates, Part 1: By Barbara Rose

Today’s Relationship Advice by Nancy

"Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of
creative effort."
*Franklin D. Roosevelt

"Knowledge is power, but only wisdom is liberty."

*Will Durant {1885-1981 American Historian}

Society's Misconception of Soul Mates, Part 1
By Barbara Rose

Society’s current conception of the term “soul mate” is completely contrary to what the term really means. Imagine two gallons of water taken from the Atlantic
Ocean. Both gallons consist of the same energy because they were both part of the same ocean. Yet each gallon will have its own experience separate from the other.
Now imagine a soul in the nonphysical realm that chooses to experience different aspects of itself by inhabiting two different people. Those people consist of the same energy as that one soul: they are soul mates.

Most people on planet Earth do not meet their true soul mates; to do so, to reach the stage where the gift of reunion becomes manifest requires lifetimes of growth and evolution. So far, only about two percent of the human population have actually met their true soul mates.

When most people think of soul mates, they picture a man and woman walking in some eternal garden of mental, emotional, and physical paradise right here on Earth, without a day’s worry or tearful eye. But as those who have met their soul mates will attest, this picture of a garden of eternal, blissful paradise is anything but the truth. Yet, once the challenges of their special union have been met successfully, it becomes the truth.

How will you know if yours is indeed a union of soul mates? I will tell you.

How it feels to be in a union of soul mates

From the moment you meet, there is a certain familiarity, a knowing you cannot describe in words. In the beginning of your relationship, you do, in fact, feel as if you were in heaven on Earth. You feel love, a union, as if you were a perfect match, which you are. You blend on all levels and in all ways. You feel that you share something unique, something mysterious yet so familiar. You understand each other instinctively, intuitively, and easily, as if you had known each other for eons, as indeed you have.

You see right through to each other’s core, and you see each other’s best. Each of you is amazed, captivated, even overcome by the other’s energy, intelligence, grace, and natural abilities; yet, at the same time, you see all of the other’s weaknesses, the areas in which growth is needed. You are not bothered by these weaknesses, however, because you know or believe the other has what it would take to meet
these challenges and grow through them.

Your bond is akin to white on rice. You fit together hand in custom-made glove. And, despite being so alike, you embody vast differences. Certainly biological differences: one male, one female. And perhaps intellectual differences: you may be at opposite ends of the intellectual spectrum, with one of you scientifically inclined and the other, spiritual. Yet in your core you each carry and sustain a comfort level, a feeling of safety and innate understanding you can never put into words. For how can you possibly describe understanding the very depths of one another such a short time after your physical meeting in this life. You cannot. It is inherent. Natural. It simply is.

And it is what you share: your souls, your energy, how in sync you are with each other, how you can sometimes finish each other’s sentences, how you have a psychic connection that you have never experienced before. When you are together,
you do, in fact, feel you are in your own heaven, your own paradise. You are, after all, with your true other half, so, naturally, you feel as natural with the other and, at times, understand the other more than you understand your self. Do you know why?

Because you chose to meet in this life to grow. This is where the challenges come into play.

How the soul-mate reunion brings profound growth and transformation

A short while after your blissful bond becomes intense, the challenges – the true reasons why you chose to meet again and join physically in this life – come to the surface.

Havoc ensues.

Surely you are not on this Earth to stagnate but to grow. And so ruffles appear within the relationship. But the ruffles have a purpose: they bring to your attention those areas within that each of you must confront, work through, and ultimately heal. No one but your true soul mate could intuitively pull out from your core depths those precise areas that need to grow and heal.

Of course growth is uncomfortable; it is far easier to stagnate. Therefore, you may find yourselves engaged in a tug of war. You may even break up temporarily. But no matter how hard you try, you cannot ever escape the truth of your natural bond. That bond, made up of the energy and chemistry you share with your soul mate, can never be broken. Because you cannot escape the truth, you have to face it; And when you do, you reap great rewards indeed. When you try to deny or turn away from the reasons you chose to be with your true match, however, you put yourself through unnecessary pain.

It is precisely those areas of growth that you are meant to confront, work through, and heal – the areas your true match has gotten you to notice – that make you to want to run and hide.

But because you can’t hide from the truth, you begin, slowly, to realize that yes, you do have issues, core issues that you deserve to heal. And your soul mate sees those issues quite clearly, but they do not bother him or her nearly as much as they bother you. They are simply your deepest challenges; once you meet them, they are healed. Then you experience once again so much of that heaven on Earth the two of
you had at the beginning of your relationship.

Denying those challenges is like trying to fight the current of a powerful river. That river is your soul, trying to carry you home to that place of wholeness within where the false views and perceptions of self are finally healed.

Fighting this current is fighting the course you chose in order to heal. Meeting your soul mate is the gift that enables you to heal those aspects of your being you have been longing to heal.

This process has been set in motion only because you chose to meet your true other half in this life, to experience the healed, validated, and wonderful being that you are. It is in sharing your growth process with the one who has the same energy you do, the one with whom you fit so perfectly, that you are able to see that process in action. It is then that you experience that heaven-on-earth feeling and, together,
experience the perfect fit again. The paradox is that in order to maintain that fit, you must heal that part within which no longer serves your evolutionary growth.

The patterns of eons past no longer fit. So, in this life, you chose to meet the one who you knew from the beginning was your perfect match.

Fight as you may, that truth shall always be there. And, more than you can imagine, your soul mate is rooting for you to grow. Grow through and heal the false views of self that hinder your evolution, that cause you to stagnate unnecessarily in a life into which you were born to live, experience, explore, thrive, and share the essence of yourself.

You try to run, but you cannot. Your heart longs for that one person, that one true match who understands you so and whose love is so pure. You have known that all along. And though you may feel you do not deserve that love, this feeling is a fallacy.

We all deserve love, soul mate or not.

Barbara Rose is an Internationally acclaimed public speaker, spiritual author of: "Stop Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE ONE" "If God Was Like Man" and "Individual Power: Reclaiming Your Core, Your Truth, and Your Life", founder of The Rose Group publishing company, inspire! Magazine, Institute of Higher Self Communication, and Rose Humanitarian Alliance.

BornToInspire

Relationship Advice By Nancy Pina

Dear Nancy,

I really appreciate the way you advise people through this site. I really help me a lot.

I want to use this opportunity to ask for your advise as regards the relationship I am into right now.

I am dating this young man since Feb 2002 and till now still giving me excuses of not having enough money for wedding, and still wanting me to be with him. If he sees me talking to any man he will be jealous, I cannot receive phone call from any man, he will be jealous. I love this young man to an extend I don't want to lose him. Can you please advise me if really he want me as a wife or he is just using me. I will be very grateful to hear from you.

Regards,

Cynthia

Dear Cynthia,

Thank you for writing to me and for your kind words.

The right man for you will not have any excuses for putting off the wedding. He will want to marry you regardless of his financial situation as weddings come in all shapes and sizes. After all, it is the marriage that is important, not the ceremony.

I don't know why he is putting off the wedding, but it is an excuse you do not have to live with. The right man will make you his number one priority in life and treat you with the love, respect and honor you deserve. Being jealous is not a sign of respect for you Cynthia, it is a sign of his insecurity.

I encourage you to tell him you want to set a wedding date or end the relationship. After three years, enough time has passed for this man to know if he wants to get married to you or not.

Please do not allow more time to pass waiting for him to make up his mind. You deserve to experience the joyous love and commitment that comes with marriage
to a man that God has ordained for you.

Please write to me at Ask Nancy to see your advice here.

Confidential replies can be obtained through
your purchase of ‘The Right Relationship Can Happen’

Visit Amazon.com:
Amazon.com

Simply forward your receipt to
Nancy Pina
along with your relationship question.

I will reply to you within 24 hours or less.

Remember that with God on your side, who
dare be against you?

I pray that He shine
His light upon you and bless you with
peace, joy and happiness.

May God bless your life and may you
experience abundant love!

Nancy Pina
Relationship Advice Expert & Author
The Right Relationship Can Happen
Relationship Advice by Nancy

Relationship Advice-Society's Misconception of Soul Mates, Part 2

2005-08-10T12:37:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Relationship Advice by Nancy Pina

IN TODAY'S RELATIONSHIP ADVICE ISSUE:

Guest Article: Society's Misconception of Soul Mates, Part 2:By Barbara Rose

Today’s Relationship Advice by Nancy

"If you wish to travel far and fast, travel light. Take off all
your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears."
*Glenn Clark

"When we extend ourselves to another human being in any way
at all, when we positively touch the life of one person, we
benefit the whole of humanity."
*Gail Pursell Elliott, "The Dignity and Respect Lady"

Society's Misconception of Soul Mates, Part 2
By Barbara Rose

So, you have challenges that you have chosen to overcome. And there, by your side, is this person who, for some reason you cannot understand, has not told you to go away a long time ago. The reason is that they are a part of you. They share your energy. They are rooting for you. Once you decide to overcome your growth challenges, then and only then will you receive the true bliss of the soul-mate reunion.

The price is honest work on self, removing all old, ingrained, negative patterns that no longer serve you, so you can finally experience the true you, the you that you have
been working to achieve for many lifetimes in your evolutionary process. The rewards are indescribable.

Like you, your soul mate has his own issues, which you pull out from within his very core. Every time he tries to run away from facing his responsibility to self, to work through and heal his issues, there you pop up again.

So you are each faced with a choice. Avoid self growth, and leave your true match behind, never to be forgotten, always to be longed for – or face those aspects within yourself, work on them, and heal them so you are finally and truly free of them. Then you will have your special and perfect match by your side for the remainder
of this life. That is the choice.

Will you grow or stagnate?

Now, some couples refuse to grow. They refuse to resolve each of their core issues, which are the true sources of their personal pain. As a result, those soul mates are lost to each other for this life. This is a sad choice for both of them. And then there are the others, and I do hope you are one of them, who consciously choose to say: No matter how long it takes, I will heal within, and I know that as long as I put forth a grain of effort each day, eventually I will walk the sands of the most peaceful
beach with my true match by my side.

Which do you choose?
It is only your choice.
For if one of the soul mates chooses to grow and the other does not, they must part. Spiritual, universal law forbids that one soul mate may evolve and remain with the other if the other chooses not to evolve. That is the only reason many soul mates do not share the remainder of their lives together.

But they never forget each other. They long for each other, and they yearn and cry for each other in the dark of night when not another soul sees their tears.

The struggle to grow is scary; it is not easy, yet it can and must be done. It will be done. No matter how many lifetimes it takes, eventually you will choose to grow.

After all, what is being asked of you is what you have actually asked the other to come into your life for: To stand by your side and be there for you, so you know that there is one special soul who is there for you always and in all ways; to comfort you when you feel afraid; to be your best friend when the rest of the world turns its back; to challenge you to be your best even as you are loved and accepted you when you display your worst.

This is a gift. This is rare. Yet this is what you are entitled to, for you have chosen to grow. You have chosen to heal, and you have done so for important reasons.

Did you ever look within and actually feel afraid of your own individual power? Did you ever truly know, somehow, somewhere, that there is something you came into this life to do, something so beyond the ordinary expressions of individuality of the masses on this planet that you turned away, turned away from your very self?

And when you met your true match, did you see that your soul mate also has an inherent gift for humanity that is unlike most of the masses inhabiting the planet? Did you consider that, like you, your soul mate was at one time afraid of his own power, his own potential - and needed the unconditional acceptance and support of his true match? Did you consider that, to feel secure, he needed to turn to the only one who could understand him and be supportive when the rest of the masses simply could not relate to him?

That is why I say that only about two percent of human beings are actually with their true soul mates in this life now. These are the people who, although not better than the others, have more to contribute to and for the others. They do not have many friends because there is not another except their soul mate to whom they can truly relate.

When you meet your soul mate, you recognize a quality, gifts, potentials, and contributions to humanity and to this universe that the vast majority of others cannot fathom, nor would they care to.

You have chosen to meet to support each other, to be the best friend, the one who understands. You can show every side of yourselves to each other, and it will always be perfectly all right. Soul mates cannot deceive or hide from each other because they can see right through each other.

Your soul mate feels your energy. You communicate on a spiritual level that is difficult to describe; you have an innate, intuitive, psychic connection.

You “know” the other, but your knowing is much more than an understanding; as rational as you try to make it all, you cannot come up with any logical explanation.
On the spiritual, nonphysical side, where your souls exist, your higher selves, you see the colors in your energy patterns change, and this is communicated to you in your physical life. This concept is still too foreign at this point in human evolution for most people to understand. To put it simply, your spiritual selves “see” what you are going through.

Barbara Rose is an Internationally acclaimed public speaker, spiritual author of: "Stop Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE ONE" "If God Was Like Man" and "Individual Power: Reclaiming Your Core, Your Truth, and Your Life", founder of The Rose Group publishing company, inspire! Magazine, Institute of Higher Self Communication, and Rose Humanitarian Alliance. Born To Inspire

Relationship Advice by Nancy Pina

Hi Nancy,

I really need your help, because if I just keep letting things go on the way they are, it could be a big mistake. Well, I have been dating this guy for 3 months now and everything is really good...except for the fact that I am struggling with internal insecurities.

I went through a lot in past relationships and I feel like it's impossible for me to not think he'll do the same. He explains things to me but I always feel like he's being dishonest.

The other night, he got a call at 4 in the morning and he told me it was his cousin. I got really skeptical even though he had a full explanation as to what she wanted and everything that was going on. but I mean, who's cousin would call at that hour?

A few minutes later he started complaining that he was so exhausted and he wanted to go to bed...the whole time I was thinking he just wanted to call whoever that was back. I just always have this gut feeling that he's cheating on me. I really don't know what to do because I don't want to lose him but what if all of my gut feelings and instincts are right?

I will feel like such a fool. I really have no way of knowing if he's doing anything wrong...all I have are all these crazy thoughts and feelings running though my mind day in and out.

There's just always little things that send these thoughts running through my mind. I try my hardest not think like that but its sooo hard. He won't let me go through his phone either....does that mean he's hiding something?

I never know how to think of things. I just really don't want to push him away if he's being faithful and honest. what should I do??

Thank you,

Denise

Dear Denise,

Thank you for writing to me about your relationship concerns.
You are dealing with feelings of abandonment in your relationships, and this fear did not originate with this relationship.

Usually, abandonment develops early in life with your relationship with your father or mother … where you felt that they either were not there for you emotionally or physically did leave the family. Because you have not made peace with this, you are recreating this feeling through your adult relationships.

Even if your boyfriend is not cheating on you now, you are unconsciously setting the stage for that to occur. It is the mind’s way of proving that your core belief that
the people you love will leave you true.

I encourage you to take this opportunity and work through the circumstances that have occurred in your past and led you to form such a strong core belief. It is sabotaging your relationships from the very beginning.

It is important that you do this so you can experience the love that God intends for your life.

Please write to me at Ask Nancy to see your advice here.

Confidential replies can be obtained through
your purchase of ‘The Right Relationship Can Happen’

Visit Amazon.com:
Amazon.com

Simply forward your receipt to

along with your relationship question.

I will reply to you within 24 hours or less.

Remember that with God on your side, who
dare be against you?

I pray that He shine
His light upon you and bless you with
peace, joy and happiness.

May God bless your life and may you
experience abundant love!

Nancy Pina
Relationship Advice Expert & Author
The Right Relationship Can Happen

Relationship Advice: The Power of Love

2005-08-10T12:14:00.000-07:00

Relationship Advice Article: The Power of Love

Welcome to Relationship Advice by Nancy Pina

IN TODAY'S RELATIONSHIP ADVICE ISSUE:

Guest Article: The Power of Love, Part 1 By Dr. Charles Stanley

Today’s Relationship Advice by Nancy

"We confide in our strength, without boasting of it;
we respect that of others, without fearing it."
*Thomas Jefferson

"Courage is not a virtue or value among other personal values
like love or fidelity. It is the foundation that underlies
and gives reality to all other virtues and personal values."
*Rollo May

The Power of Love, Part 1
By Dr. Charles Stanley

What is the strongest motivation in your life?
Some people are driven by fear, greed, or lust. Others see faith as a primary incentive. But when love is present in a person's life,it is one of the most powerful motivating forces known to man.

First Corinthians 13 is sometimes referred to as the "love chapter" of the Bible. There, the apostle Paul talks about the pre-eminence of love over biblical knowledge, powerful faith, generosity, and even the ultimate sacrifice of one's own life. (verses 1-3) Then, in the next four verses, he explains how genuine love acts. You might react to this description by thinking, I'm not sure I can do that! And you would be absolutely correct—no one can, in his own strength, carry out all these actions of love. It is impossible apart from almighty God, who is the source of love.

In fact, the Bible tells us God is love. (1 John 4:8) When you and I trusted Jesus Christ as our personal Savior, the Holy Spirit came to indwell us, and therefore we have the love of God inside of us. As we surrender ourselves to Him, He allows His divine love—not human love—to flow through us. That means Christians have a
capacity to love that the unbeliever does not have; it supercedes what human beings can do in their own strength. The Bible terms this love "agape."

Unselfish, willing to sacrifice, and ready to serve, agape love is committed to someone else's best interest. So how does divine love act? It is first of all patient for God's timing and purposes. In those frustrating circumstances that we are helpless to change, God's love provides the power, capacity, and courage to continue waiting until He sees fit to alter the situation. For example, marrying quickly because you "just can't wait" reveals a desire to fulfill self, even at the other person's expense. Agape gives us the patience to wait for what is best.

With God's love, we also have the capacity to be kind toward others, whether or not they are kind to us. When we are criticized, mistreated, or falsely accused, we may want to respond vengefully, as the world would.

But with God living and loving on the inside of us, we can respond considerately. Kindness also conveys the idea of healing—it means being willing to go out of our way to lift a person up. Today we have many opportunities for kindness because discouragement, disillusionment, and despair abound.

Notice that in every agape action Paul describes, we must forget ourselves. Unfortunately, most people never truly learn to love because they can't get beyond themselves. We have to get out of the way and let God's love flow through us. Then kindness, gentleness, and a desire to heal will naturally exude from us. Believers have Jesus' love on the inside; as we submit to the Holy Spirit, who controls the flow, agape love can pour forth and touch other lives.

Paul also tells us that divine love is not jealous; it enables us to share. Some people might regard jealousy as a protective attitude, but it actually has more to do with fear than protection. If we are afraid of losing someone's faithfulness, we can become protective of it, attempting to restrict which companions that individual may have. We may even become jealous when someone receives rewards or recognition. These attitudes speak of self, while agape love—the kind God wants us to have for Him as well as those around us—is concerned with others. It asks, not "What is good for me?" but "God, what is Your will, Your purpose, and Your plan?"

Another aspect of agape love is humility. People overflowing with God's love do not feel a necessity to prove anything; they are "poised"—comfortable sitting quietly and listening—no matter what is going on. The opposite of humility is boastful pride; such arrogance is the equivalent of confessing, "I am empty, so I want your attention. To get it, I must dominate the conversation and gain recognition as the best." But love need not brag because a relationship with God is so satisfying it requires nothing external to feel complete.

Next, Paul says love "does not act unbecomingly"; in other words, agape love is polite, enabling us to demonstrate godly character when interacting with other people. We can be well-mannered both publicly and privately, regardless of what is happening. John 13:35 elaborates, "By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."

Furthermore, love does not seek its own. In other words, love surrenders its rights. Think about today's culture, where there is so much talk about protecting our "rights." Isn't it interesting that Jesus never talked about His rights? In contrast, as our innocent Savior hung upon the cross, His concern was for the ones who crucified Him to be forgiven. (Luke 23:34)

If you and I belong to God, we lay down our rights. We do not necessarily allow people to trample us; we simply do not regard our rights as our primary concern. Instead, we should focus on allowing the love of God to flow through us to the other person. For the child of God, the power and capacity to love is available, even in the midst of horrible or embarrassing mistreatment. Why does Matthew 5:39 instruct turning the other cheek if someone strikes us? Because love never loses—but we certainly can lose when we demand our rights.

Dr. Charles F. Stanley, pastor of the First Baptist Church of Atlanta and founder of In Touch Ministries, demonstrates a keen awareness of people’s needs by providing practical biblical truths for everyday life. Modeling his ministry after the apostle Paul’s message to the Ephesians, Dr. Stanley believes that: "Life is worth nothing unless I use it for doing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus–the work of telling others the Good News about God’s mighty kindness and love" (Acts 20:24 LB). In Touch Ministries can be found on the web at In Touch Ministry

Relationship Advice by Nancy Pina

Dear Nancy,

I'm such a jealous boyfriend. Like I'm the worst. I wouldn't get mad at my girl for it... I just kinda like getting really depressed about it. I have reasons I guess to not trust her. She's cheated on me before.

She had sex with another guy, however this was in the beginning of the relationship and it was over a year ago. We have had slight spilt ups in between where she'll get with another men and I don't find that right either. I love her, and I don't want to let her go, but there are things I can't stand. She drinks, and parties with guys. I can't take that. I have another girl right in front of me that is nothing like her and really likes me. But I don't know what to do. Tell me Nancy...what's your advice?

Matt

Dear Matt,

From what you have said, you do not share the same morals and values as your girlfriend. This is larger issue and your feelings of jealously are your fears surfacing about your relationship. You two are not on the same page as to what makes an exclusive relationship work.

At this point, it seems that her relationship goals are geared towards dating, which is not compatible with your relationship goals. She does not appear to sincerely want to be in an exclusive relationship, possibly with anyone at this point.

An exclusive relationship does not include being intimate with other men - under any circumstances. I also encourage you to explore why you have attracted this type of person into your life. I encourage you to ask yourself if you have a core belief that women are untrustworthy. If so, where/when did this belief originate? It is important to work through these issues and release the pain associated with them in order to experience an emotionally healthy and loving relationship.

Keep in mind that you will be most strongly attracted to women who set off your core beliefs until you do this inner work.

Please write to me at Ask Nancy to see your advice here.

Confidential replies can be obtained through
your purchase of ‘The Right Relationship Can Happen’

Visit Amazon.com:
Amazon.com

Simply forward your receipt to
Nancy Pina
along with your relationship question.

I will reply to you within 24 hours or less.

Remember that with God on your side, who
dare be against you?

I pray that He shine
His light upon you and bless you with
peace, joy and happiness.

May God bless your life and may you
experience abundant love!

Nancy Pina
Relationship Expert & Author
The Right Relationship Can Happen

Relationship Advice: Society's Secrets of Great Relationships

2005-08-10T12:07:00.000-07:00

Secrets of Great Relationships
Welcome to Relationship Advice by Nancy Pina

IN TODAY'S RELATIONSHIP ADVICE ISSUE:

Guest Article: Society's Secrets of Great Relationships:
The Power of Grace by Dr. John Townsend

Today’s Relationship Advice by Nancy

"Enthusiasm finds the opportunities, and energy makes the
most of them."
*Henry Hoskins

"What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an
end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.
*T.S. Eliot, 1888-1965, American Poet/Dramatist/Literary Critic

Secrets of Great Relationships
Part 1: The Power of Grace
by Dr. John Townsend

Welcome to our series on GREAT RELATIONSHIPS and how you can have them! We all desire the good things a thriving, healthy relationship provides-things like love, tenderness, intimacy, companionship, security, protection, help and more. God wants you to have all these things, and He provides a way for you to experience these good things: through connection. God created you for connection, both with Himself and other people, and He has designed ways to help you grow into the relationships you need and long for. We are excited about your own prospects to create great relationships, whether you want to improve a struggling one, or make a good one great.

In this first article of three, we wanted to start with the foundation and beginning of any great relationship. That foundation is grace. This is a word that you often hear describing our spiritual relationship with God, and that is the origin of it. Grace is, briefly defined, unmerited favor, and is the basis of how God relates to us, by favoring us through love and not through performance: "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God (Eph. 2:8)." It is favors that God provides to us that we could never provide for ourselves.

But grace is not just about you and God. It is also about you and others. Any relationship that grows in intimacy, respect and freedom must also be based on grace. Let's break this down into its main themes.

Its basis. The love and care of any healthy relationship is freely given, rather than earned. That is, two people connect from the heart because they want to be together and be good to each other. And, though it's important to have standards and requirements of conduct and love, no one is keeping a scorecard! Think how sometimes little kids will say, "You aren't nice to me so I'm not your friend anymore." Well, there is nothing wrong with telling someone you don't like their behavior. But to stop caring about that person is a different matter. Give grace and love freely and generously. When both people extend unconditional grace, it warms the heart and brings people closer.

Its benefits. Not only is grace something that is unearned, it conveys "favors," or benefits. That is, grace gives something good to the receiver of grace. There are many elements of love and growth that grace provides in a relationship. Here are a few:

• Compassion and empathy

• Comfort

• Encouragement

• Understanding

• Safety

• Acceptance

• Wisdom and guidance

The list could go on and on. The point is, all of these aspects of a great relationship are based on grace. Look at grace as the fuel of a relationship. When the connection has problems, or is running dry, it is often because grace is not flowing freely between two people. Open up the pipeline!

Its effects. When two people provide grace for each other as the Bible describes it, there is nothing like it. People become vulnerable, emotionally accessible and intimate with each other. Grace tends to bring about more grace. I have seen couples who have been together for many years find that, when they established a grace relationship, things transformed between them into closeness, safety and intimacy that they had never had before. Grace truly brings life to a connection.

Its sources. The best grace-filled relationships are those in which the individuals are receiving their "fuel" not only from each other, but also from God and safe people who are "for" you and the relationship. Life and relationship are demanding and require much of us. You need to make sure that you are actively involved in taking in and using the love and favor that the Lord and good people have for you. You are not enough for each other. Learn to connect outside the relationship, as well as inside it.

We were created for grace-based relationships, and you cannot go wrong when you extend it to others. Learn both ends: how to receive it, and how to provide it. As you do, your relationship can take on the handprints of the One who made all relationships: "Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ (2 Cor. 1:2)."

Dr. Townsend is a clinical psychologist and marriage, family and child therapist. He has an extensive background in both inpatient and outpatient treatment programs, and has a private practice in Costa Mesa, California. He is a specialist on such topics as biblical models of personality and character growth, and spiritual issues of psychopathology.

Relationship Advice by Nancy Pina

Dear Readers,

I had the privilege of attending the first service in the new facility of Lakewood Church in Houston. Pastor Joel Osteen has been in the news recently as his ministry has grown to the largest congregation in the nation.

In your walk with Jesus Christ, gathering with others and worshiping through song and prayer is a powerful and emotionally fulfilling experience. The presence of God in that service was tangible - I could feel it throughout the entire service.

There are many people who feel worshiping in church is not a necessary part of being a Christian. I understand that point of view as I believed that for a brief period of
time in my life. On my journey, I find that my connection with God is stronger and deeper when I hear the teaching of God's word in a church setting and experience fellowship with other Christians.

If you need an encouraging word, Pastor Osteen's positive messages are broadcasted all over the world. Please visit Lakewood's website to see a webcast
of the latest service and/or scheduled television times.

Lakewood Church

Nancy

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With God on your side, who
dare be against you?

I pray that He shine
His light upon you and bless you with
peace, joy and happiness.

May God bless your life and may you
experience abundant love!